The Legacy We Shall Leave

I was just thinking this morning how the "legacy" of women in my family (well, at least of my dear Mom and me, which I don't think she will now mind me saying) has been this kind of thinking:

"That may be good advice, but it doesn't/won't/can't work for me."

"I know that's what the Bible says, but... (insert reason it doesn't/can't/won't work for me)."

"That's easy for you to say, because you don't have my problems/haven't walked in my shoes."

It was a stubbornness masked as helplessness. I thank God for his grace, which has overcome such thinking in exchange for a "glad obedience" (only by the help of the Spirit!) to God's commands. God's truth does, can and will "work" for all who call upon His name in sincerity and truth."He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it."

I thank God for the life of our Mom, who although she suffered terribly in this life from depression, anxiety, and the kind of stubborn helplessness I mentioned, still, by God's grace, shone rather brightly in her last days of life. Though she suffered from these things, His mercy to her was large, and I believe and am comforted that she awoke in His presence to freedom and joy.

So I'm thinking this morning about the legacy we leave, the story for our children. How I hope for God's mercy to them all, that they may recognize the grace of God, no matter how limited the clay vessels He works through.

That Your Trust May Be In The Lord

"Incline your ear, and hear the words of the wise, and apply your heart to my knowledge, for it will be pleasant if you keep them within you, if all of them are ready on your lips.

"That your trust may be in the Lord I have made them known to you today, even you" (Proverbs 22:17-19).

At first glance it may not seem apparent how making the words of the wise, their instructions and warnings, known to our children leads to their trusting the Lord. But here's what occurs to me: the trust in him comes because the root of wisdom and knowledge is the fear of him (Proverbs 1:7). Fearing him leads to trusting him.

So it's maybe like this: the moral commands of God in the Bible are ones we dare not fail to keep, but they are also ones we quickly learn we are not able to keep. This immediately brings about a crisis, a dilemma. The fear of the righteous Judge wells up. The consequences promised for our immorality, our lack of holiness, are fearful. We are undone.

But then good news appears. The Lawgiver and Judge has also become our merciful Advocate. In fact, our only rescue will come from the One who is holy and will judge our sins accordingly. He appears; we cling to his saving promise in hope and faith. There is no one else to rescue us from the consequences of our moral failure. We are saved by the Judge himself.

This is how Proverbs teaches fathers to appeal to their sons. The parents' own fear of the Lord leads to an urgent appeal to their children to incline their ears, hear (really hear) the words of the wise, to apply their hearts to knowledge. In doing so their children will learn, as the parents have learned, both the fear of the Lord and to trust the saving work of Christ on their behalf.

The Wise Reprover and the Listening Ear of Titus 2

Titus 2:3-5--"Older women... are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."

Proverbs 25:12--“Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear.”

1 Peter 3:1-4--"Likewise, wives... Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."

What woman doesn’t appreciate a great hairstyle, nice clothes, and fine gold jewelry? Yet, such adornments pale in comparison to the beauty God is after. What God finds "precious" and "beautiful" in the feminine heart is something Peter calls a "gentle and quiet spirit." What such a spirit looks like is described in practical ways in the verse above from Titus 2. It includes having a heart that's being "trained"-- in loving one's husband and children, in self-control, in purity, in being a worker at home, in being kind, in being submissive to one's own husband. Note the idea of training as a key ingredient in attaining to this beautiful condition. Note the implication that we aren't born, nor do we go into marriage and child-rearing, knowing how!

Proverbs 25:12 lists two elements necessary for the kind of training that results in beautiful godliness: (1) a wise reprover and (2) a listening ear. It takes both to get the lovely result, comparable in beauty to gold rings and ornaments. Titus 2:3-5 supplies a New Testament identity to these two elements: the older women of the church (wise reprovers), willing and able to teach, and the younger women (listening ears), willing to be taught, and to change, so that "the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ" (1 Peter 1:7).

Becoming trained in this kind of beauty pleases God so much because it glorifies him. At stake is the reality of the gospel lived out before a skeptical world. Without this kind of grace and transformation in the lives of women, therefore in the lives of families, and therefore in the life of the church, the truths of God are in danger of being blasphemed (that's the meaning of the word translated "reviled" in Titus 2:5). The world sees the difference between our words of profession and how we actually live our lives.

So I ask you today, as I'm asking myself: as Christian wives and mothers, how are we doing in living this out? Do we really want this; are we willing to pay the price to become women who teach and encourage one another to become women with these habits, with these qualities, so precious and beautiful in the sight of God our Savior? Are we willing to submit to God's plain words and work out, in a practical sense, how all this plays out in our homes and in the church? Are we seeking to become both "wise reprovers" and "listening ears," or are we resistant to believing that these words of God could really apply in this way to us?

This is not an easy thing. God's words here, like all doctrine, are open to all sorts of misunderstanding and/or mischievous misrepresentation, especially in our day. But it's imperative, especially in our day, that we grasp its importance. It's not being dramatic to say that the lives of our children and the future of the church depends on it.

When we stand before God to give an account of our lives, he won't ask us how we did with our careers, our portfolios, our workout routines or our wardrobes. Instead, we'll be called to account for how we believed his word and tried to obey it. None of us will perform perfectly--thank God for his gift of righteousness, imputed to the believer through the atoning death of his Son!-but the desires of our hearts will be laid bare, and our failure to love what He loves will surely be cause for regret. I am praying anew, as an older woman, for the grace to be both a wise reprover and to have a listening ear, for the opportunity both to teach and to be taught, for that is the true Christian life. Will you pray about this, too?

Feelings Follow Behavior

Wow. Here's a truth that needs to be promoted with all seriousness in our churches. Psychology has introduced us to a failed model of therapeutic "truth" that has even permeated the church. But David M. Tyler in his book God's Funeral argues that ungodliness (idolatry) leads to unrighteousness (wrong behavior) and thus is the cause of much of our mental sufferings:

"'Feelings follow behavior' is a principle found first in Genesis 3 and throughout the whole Bible.

"The Bible teaches that there is a relationship between behavior and feelings. Ungodliness leads to unrighteousness which leads to guilt, depression, anxiety, fear, shame, etc. After they had eaten of the forbidden fruit, Adam and Eve fled from the presence of God because they were "afraid" (Genesis 3:10). When God rejected Cain's offering he became angry and depressed. God asked Cain, 'Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen?' God said to Cain, 'If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up?' (Genesis 4:6-7). If Cain would change his behavior his feelings would change. God's rhetorical question to Cain sets forth the important principle that behavior determines feelings."

I'm convinced that this principle holds true for kiddies as well as their mommas and daddies.

To Get Us Thinking...

From Desiring God blog today: a helpful article on "Questions to Ask When Preparing for Marriage."





Photo Mircea Tudorache

Tolkien on Choosing Books for Children

Ray Van Neste (whose blog, The Children's Hour, I highly recommend to parents of young readers) quotes J.R.R. Tolkien: “A good vocabulary is not acquired by reading books written according to some notion of the vocabulary of one’s age-group. It comes from reading books above one.”

In other words, don't be afraid to read the more difficult books with and to your children. Help them develop a taste for and skill with vocabulary.



J.R.R. Tolkien

The Tension in Good Teaching

I'm reading an excellent little book, "Teaching to Change Lives" by Dr. Howard Hendricks. This stuff is good; if you teach in any capacity, as a parent (and all parents teach), Sunday School teacher, public school teacher; or if you have any desire to learn more about teaching, get a copy of this book. It's easy to read, engaging and filled with rich, quotable nuggets of wisdom. Chapter Two of the book, "The Law of Education," deals with the tension a teacher must create in order to stir up learning. In explaining why tension is a necessary component of good teaching, Dr. Hendricks begins with psychologist Abraham Maslow's four levels of learning:

1) Unconscious incompetence--the learner's beginning point, the basic level where everyone starts... where you're ignorant and you don't know it.

2) Conscious incompetence--now you know you don't know. How do you find out? Usually somebody tells you but occasionally you discover it for yourself.

3) Conscious competence--you've learned something, as when you first get the hang of driving a car, and you're consciously aware of it as you do it.

4) Unconscious competence--you're so competent you don't even think about it anymore.

Hendricks goes on to explain that the art of teaching--and the difficulty of learning--is getting people to place themselves at the beginning of that cycle, to plunge to the bottom, so they can begin the learning process. There is no growth, no development, no true learning, apart from the tension that must come as people are made aware that they don't know. Tension is absolutely indispensable to the process.

I see this as so very true in the Church in our day, in the area of Christian discipleship. I lived many years not knowing that I didn't know. Only the bittersweet providences of God awakened me to my true condition. I'm so thankful to Him for creating the tension that I needed in my life to show me that I needed to become a true learner. And I am convinced that in many ways I am still at the first level, where I don't yet know that I don't know.

A good teacher will imitate the Master Teacher by helping someone get to the place of seeing that they need to learn. It's an exciting and humbling prospect, that we are given the privilege of participating in changing hearts and minds, in changing lives. May we desire to do that to the very best of our ability, to the glory of God. This little book by Howard Hendricks will be a great help in that direction.

Build a House

As parents, do we sometimes think of the devotions we have with our children as the window dressings of a house? The reading and study of God's word coupled with prayer are, instead, the very timbers that hold the structure up, that hold it together. Don't think of daily devotions together as mainly the use of something you've bought at the Christian bookstore; it's the solid, daily diet of the Scriptures themselves, along with fervent and earnest payer that God's Spirit will apply its truths to our hearts, that will grow us and our children into ones who bear much fruit for His kingdom.


Photo David H-W (Extrajection)

James 3: A Story

Desiring God Ministries

Wordle-ing Proverbs

I've had more than one conversation with another mom in which one or both of us have taken comfort from the familiar Proverb, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6). Only possible problem we may have in claiming that promise is, what do we think that kind of training looks like?

It may look quite different, require more of us, cost us more than we want to think.

Proverbs chapters 1-8
(Click for larger view)

Wordle

Tools of the Trade

"The wisest of women builds her house,
but folly with her own hands tears it down" (Proverbs 14:1).

I don't think Solomon is talking about hammers and nails, or chainsaws and bulldozers, here. We wives and mothers wake up every morning to a new day in which we will, by our actions and words, sow either seeds of blessing and edification (building up), or destruction. The bad seeds, the negative ones, are often the most satisfying to us at the time, but later they will yield bitter fruit. The building blocks of faith and hope in God, kindness and truth-saturated love will make a strong house that will stand the test of time and storms.

"She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue" (Proverbs 31:26).

"For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham,calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening" (1 Peter 3:5,6).

Photo by jeremypullen

Remember, and Don't Forget

I'm struck once again, as I read through Deuteronomy, at the urgency Moses conveys to the people of Israel to remember, and not forget, all the mighty deeds of the Lord in bringing them out of Egypt; and that they not fail to tell their children, and teach their children to tell their children, of His greatness and power. "Tell your children the stories! Don't forget! Remember!!"

We do a lot of labor-intensive, complicated things in the name of children's ministry in church. We think we know what the goal is, but too often I think we're missing it. The goal today is the same goal as it was for Israel as they prepared to cross over Jordan into the promised land: to tell their children of the mighty deeds of God. To teach them to remember, and not forget. "Bind these words on your hearts, fathers; instruct your children as you walk along the way."

If the church budgets were reduced to zero, we are still more than equipped by our Bibles to carry out every command of God, including the command to instruct our children in His ways. A budget reduced to zero might be a great blessing, if it forced us to look at how God has said it can be accomplished. Not with splashy programs; definitely not apart from the faithfulness of moms and dads obeying the command to teach their own children to remember, and not forget, the mighty deeds of God.

February 28

Joseph Emmanuel Pollard
February 28, 1981-October 2, 2004
"Upside Down!"

In Honor of Virgil Ware

We're pretty proud of our dad, retired Capt. E. Dan Jordan, proud dad and granddad that he is. Along with his being a loving father and grandfather, and being there for us all these years (even through all our crazy shenanigans), he has also lived an interesting life which includes an illustrious career as a law enforcement officer. That career is highlighted by the decade of the 1960's, the civil rights era, during which my dad and his department, the Jefferson County Sheriff's Department, shone brightly at moments through some pretty dark days. The events my dad saw firsthand, and were involved in, are part of civil rights history. The infamous day of the Sixteenth Street Baptist Church bombing, in which four little girls died and which sparked a day of violence and sorrow here in Birmingham, was one day during those days he will never forget.

My dad was just beginning to enjoy his day off when the bomb blasted through the basement of the downtown church building that Sunday morning at 10:22 a.m., September 15th, 1963. He wanted to go immediately to the site but was ordered by Sheriff Mel Bailey, along with every other available deputy and officer, into patrol cars. Rioting and violence were looming threats; reports were beginning to come in of rocks thrown, anger erupting. The day was spent patrolling the city, trying to be a presence in hopes of quelling violence before it broke out. Detective Jordan was frustrated at not being able to be on the scene of the tragedy downtown, but knew he was doing what was needed and following orders.

That evening, though, the dispatcher's voice came over the squad car radio with the request that my dad find a phone and immediately call in. A phone was found, and when Detective Jordan made the call, he was told that there had been one last, tragic death that day--a 13-year-old black male had been shot and killed while riding down Sandusky Road on the handlebars of his older brother's bike. The boy's name was Virgil Ware.

My dad was told to get to the scene and begin the investigation, and he did. The story of what happened to Virgil Ware and his brother James that sad day, and the subsequent search for the killers and the attempt to see justice done, is the story we went to hear my dad tell to a crowd of about 100 people at the downtown Birmingham Public Library yesterday. Virgil died in 1963, and retired Captain E. Dan Jordan is 80 years old now, but we were spell-bound as he told us about Virgil and James; the details of their tragedy are part of a much larger story that, as my dad said, brings hope as we witness the inauguration of the first African-American President of the United States. This helps us see, my dad said, that the deaths of those little girls that Sunday morning, and of young Virgil, were not in vain.

Several members of the Ware family were there yesterday, and a beautiful family they are. That's my dad, second from the left, and James Ware to the right of him. The little guy in the background, looking just over James's shoulder, is Virgil.

I am so very impressed at the graciousness, and the grace that's at work, in this precious family. You can read more about the Ware's story in this 2003 Time magazine article.